Sat on train home and two older ladies are having a blazing row. Makes the journey less boring at least!

I am being a rebel and staying up way past my bedtime. I AM that hardcore. 

Ordered 2 T's from truffleshuffle.com. One is a Johnny Depp as "Cry Baby" (as seen on Amy Winehouse. Though I hope I don't feel compelled to smoke crack after wearing it) and the other is a Beatles "Let it be". I did have my eye on a My Little Pony "Princess Sparkles" but it didn't scream bad ass to me. I did say I was buying cheap T's, but these were too pretty to pass up :).

Work tomorrow ---> :|

Ideas and thoughts are being put in to action for my new website. I miss the freedom of having my own designed webpage out there for the world to see. Because I got the Mac I didn't know what my options were in regards to text editors, graphic editors, but now I have found two reliable sources which means I can get my design on. Things are slowly being pieced together and its good :).

This band is awesome. Very Joy Division. I LOVE this song so much!

I am sat in bed watching "27 dresses" for the zillionth time. J is working late night and I am bored, hence the repetitive slew of sappy girl movies, oh, and "Horton hears a who", because Dr Seuss is a must. This week off work has been healing to my soul, though it is nowhere near enough. The smallest things cause a mini tremor to my nerves. I need a time out. We decorated our front living room. Daffodil white - it's sunny, fresh and comforting. Also rearranged the furniture. It is honestly surprising how the smallest changes can give you an all over tingling in the least dirtiest of ways. I have a mini emergency that will last 4 days. I am worried. Hm. :|.

I had a little chuckle to myself when reading this .. Yeah.

With the changing seasons, decorating for spring, I feel its time to make some life changes too. This sounds so cliche and corny, but some things are getting out of control and I really need to grow up and accept that I CAN make the changes. I don't do it because I am lazy and this isn't good enough! Sit back and smelling the roses too long will cause you to fall asleep in a bed of thorns. Am I right?!

I am in the middle of trying to decide what oddly named table I should pick from Ikea (online) for my bedroom. We desperately need to decorate our whole flat, but thats not going to happen, so I am starting one room at a time and figuring out how to do it with as little cost involved! Its no easy task .. *rips hair out* The bedroom goes first. I'll update as often as I can. Fun times!

Your cat is snoring louder than your fiance sleeping next to you?

I am really trying to keep a lid on my feelings surrounding a certain topic. I'm shocked at how much of my brain space its taking up. Sleep interrupted, serving customers, even on the toilet .. Its something I don't seem to want to let go of. When I write I hate being vague as it wont make much sense to whomever is reading. Apologies.

Basically it goes into my past and that is one can of worms that could fashioned into a good read. Thinking back to how things used to be it turns my stomach because I didn't think I was ever going to get passed all the bad things that were happening to me, much less find anyone that could understand and still take me for who I am. I will tell you its difficult trying to float through life where every corner you turn no one seems to want to understand, help, be there. It amazes me how cruel people can be. I've been told that there is no use dwelling on what was, because its over, done. NO. I can tell you now that certain people have NOT forgotten and no amount of denial is changing that. Makes me so angry that I never get a chance to say exactly what I need to say when the time calls for it. I guess this is what this post is. The bitter pill thats been hard to swallow for 27 years is still stuck in my throat. 

Thats all you need to know. I guess everyday I am working on the human shell that is me. Acceptance is a million miles away. "You will never get through life until you accept who you are". Thats what scares me.