Shaken But Not Stirred

I am really trying to keep a lid on my feelings surrounding a certain topic. I'm shocked at how much of my brain space its taking up. Sleep interrupted, serving customers, even on the toilet .. Its something I don't seem to want to let go of. When I write I hate being vague as it wont make much sense to whomever is reading. Apologies.

Basically it goes into my past and that is one can of worms that could fashioned into a good read. Thinking back to how things used to be it turns my stomach because I didn't think I was ever going to get passed all the bad things that were happening to me, much less find anyone that could understand and still take me for who I am. I will tell you its difficult trying to float through life where every corner you turn no one seems to want to understand, help, be there. It amazes me how cruel people can be. I've been told that there is no use dwelling on what was, because its over, done. NO. I can tell you now that certain people have NOT forgotten and no amount of denial is changing that. Makes me so angry that I never get a chance to say exactly what I need to say when the time calls for it. I guess this is what this post is. The bitter pill thats been hard to swallow for 27 years is still stuck in my throat. 

Thats all you need to know. I guess everyday I am working on the human shell that is me. Acceptance is a million miles away. "You will never get through life until you accept who you are". Thats what scares me.