71 posts tagged “nic”

I am being a rebel and staying up way past my bedtime. I AM that hardcore. 

Ordered 2 T's from truffleshuffle.com. One is a Johnny Depp as "Cry Baby" (as seen on Amy Winehouse. Though I hope I don't feel compelled to smoke crack after wearing it) and the other is a Beatles "Let it be". I did have my eye on a My Little Pony "Princess Sparkles" but it didn't scream bad ass to me. I did say I was buying cheap T's, but these were too pretty to pass up :).

Work tomorrow ---> :|

Ideas and thoughts are being put in to action for my new website. I miss the freedom of having my own designed webpage out there for the world to see. Because I got the Mac I didn't know what my options were in regards to text editors, graphic editors, but now I have found two reliable sources which means I can get my design on. Things are slowly being pieced together and its good :).

With the changing seasons, decorating for spring, I feel its time to make some life changes too. This sounds so cliche and corny, but some things are getting out of control and I really need to grow up and accept that I CAN make the changes. I don't do it because I am lazy and this isn't good enough! Sit back and smelling the roses too long will cause you to fall asleep in a bed of thorns. Am I right?!

I am really trying to keep a lid on my feelings surrounding a certain topic. I'm shocked at how much of my brain space its taking up. Sleep interrupted, serving customers, even on the toilet .. Its something I don't seem to want to let go of. When I write I hate being vague as it wont make much sense to whomever is reading. Apologies.

Basically it goes into my past and that is one can of worms that could fashioned into a good read. Thinking back to how things used to be it turns my stomach because I didn't think I was ever going to get passed all the bad things that were happening to me, much less find anyone that could understand and still take me for who I am. I will tell you its difficult trying to float through life where every corner you turn no one seems to want to understand, help, be there. It amazes me how cruel people can be. I've been told that there is no use dwelling on what was, because its over, done. NO. I can tell you now that certain people have NOT forgotten and no amount of denial is changing that. Makes me so angry that I never get a chance to say exactly what I need to say when the time calls for it. I guess this is what this post is. The bitter pill thats been hard to swallow for 27 years is still stuck in my throat. 

Thats all you need to know. I guess everyday I am working on the human shell that is me. Acceptance is a million miles away. "You will never get through life until you accept who you are". Thats what scares me.

Back since '99 I have been creating websites with 'blogs'. Over the years my web design skills have become a bit more than mediocre. I enjoy creating something that people find pleasing to the eye and interesting to read. In '05 I had a website that attracted 300+ visitors daily. The site was talked about on random forum boards, my designs praised on other website blogs. I then decided to go on hiatus as my life was too demanding to keep up with the daily updates and running of the website. I want that back. I want the mass of readers and emails (good and bad) back ... 

Saddest thing I was told this week, "Never take for granted the roof over your head, a person who loves you, the stability of a normal life. The streets these days are tough. Sleeping on them isn't an option anymore, its just not safe".

We were supposed to spend last weekend going for a meal and making it romantic since we both had to work valentines day. It didn't happen that way though .. The couple we are godparents for recently split up, well, the Father (Rob) found someone else and the Mother (Gemma) is still in love with him. I felt so bad for Gemma with it being Valentines day and that she was on her own,  that I invited her over for the weekend and put our Valentines on hold. I hate to think that my friend is alone and sad :(.

I am recovering from the deadly mucus virus I had caught. I don't understand why I keep on catching these random diseases. But its always the way. Think mucus, think Nicola Wilkinson!

I've had an idea .. Yeah, dangerous, I know. Usually when I have an ephihany of any kind disaster normally follows. I can't tell you what this wonderous idea is as I don't want to jinx anything. So I am shushing till I know it's going to happen. I am one of those annoying people that start something then lose interest 5 seconds later .. "OOOH lets do this .. O--oh *yawn* yay". Its part and parcel of being me I guess and I just roll with that.

I come from a highly creative family. One side was talented art wise and was famed for it, having all his cartoons on walls of bars in the area I grew up in, becoming a local celebrity in his own right (Fathers side). The other was in music and one family member conducted a band in the Royal Albert Hall in London and was featured in a book (Mothers side). So I have a creative streak genetically infused in me that screams to be let out, but my A.D.D stifles that soon after and I never fulfill any sort of potential. I'm working on it though .. Always working on it.

This idea just needs the right amount of TLC, nurturing and a dash of life whispered in to it to make it a reality. Can I handle it? In short - I may get dragged under a bus tomorrow not accomplishing ANYTHING if I don't try. Anything is possible. Possibilities are endless, if you want them bad enough.

I wish life were less complicated and more of a breeze, but oh no. God is looking down, rubbing his hands together saying, 'That wouldn't be funny now, would it?'

(Side note: After my rum experience I am feeling the need to discard my insides out of any orifice available. Rum is delightful.)