6 posts tagged “rambling”
I am really trying to keep a lid on my feelings surrounding a certain topic. I'm shocked at how much of my brain space its taking up. Sleep interrupted, serving customers, even on the toilet .. Its something I don't seem to want to let go of. When I write I hate being vague as it wont make much sense to whomever is reading. Apologies.
Basically it goes into my past and that is one can of worms that could fashioned into a good read. Thinking back to how things used to be it turns my stomach because I didn't think I was ever going to get passed all the bad things that were happening to me, much less find anyone that could understand and still take me for who I am. I will tell you its difficult trying to float through life where every corner you turn no one seems to want to understand, help, be there. It amazes me how cruel people can be. I've been told that there is no use dwelling on what was, because its over, done. NO. I can tell you now that certain people have NOT forgotten and no amount of denial is changing that. Makes me so angry that I never get a chance to say exactly what I need to say when the time calls for it. I guess this is what this post is. The bitter pill thats been hard to swallow for 27 years is still stuck in my throat.
Thats all you need to know. I guess everyday I am working on the human shell that is me. Acceptance is a million miles away. "You will never get through life until you accept who you are". Thats what scares me.
Me and My Dell: November11th2005
A techie junkie I am not. When I decided to purchase a laptop (notebook, whatever), I didn't really stop to think of what would be best, spec wise that is, neither did I go to a computer expert and ask for advice. Like many things I do in life, it was a rush decision, though I think it was a good one. I've heard so many horror stories about DELL that I thought, 'Oh my god, what did I do?', but so far so good. Hm, jinxed it now haven't I? I am happy with my Dell. I hope me and Lulabelle (the Dell) have many happy years together! Happy 1st birthday ;].
Combustible Fiance: November13th2005
My fiance decided to go out to a bar with my uncle tonight. And I let him. That sounds like he is on the shortest leash known to man (ladies, take note!), but he isn't, honest! I just couldn't be bothered to throw the same ol' party clothes on and 'get on my thing that should groove' (as my mother says). Anyway, my Father is notrious for drinking and my fiance being, well, a man, likes to 'try' keep up with my Father. Hm. I can imagine my aunts walls being spattered by vomit as my clever fiance combusts in a very exorsist type way.
Tomorrow is the first day at my new job. Its always difficult on the
first day of work, getting to know the working routine and the people
you're working along side with. So I'd say I am pretty scared right
now, but in a positive way, if you get me? I was napping earlier on and
I kept on waking with a sense of panic washing over me, like, 'Oh nooo,
new job tomorrow', then I'd relax and I'd wake up again 
. I am ready for it and KNOW all will go well 
.
Today has been a typical lazy Sunday. I hate it when my weekends become a bit of a washout. I'm young, I need to be out there .. Doing whatever us young people do. LOL.
I am newly addicted to TV show 'L.A Ink'. It all ties in with this
tattoo mania of late. I've been itching to get a tat on my wrist but
with my new job its sort of stopped me going ahead with it. I doubt my
new bosses would be very impressed with such a visible piece of body
art. I am still thinking about and maybe might have to relocate the
design somewhere new. Kat Von D .. Wow, so beautiful and her extensive
body art is breathtaking! An inspiration for sure.
P.s; Duplicate postage from my Myspace blog. http://blog.myspace.com/lenicnic
xox
Here is me giving good ole Vox some well earned love. So ...
My manager and supervisor are both hinting that I did 'OK' in my exam. You know when at the back of your mind you have that nagging, gut feeling, its not ok. Its not ok. We shall see though. Work today has been like ass. Stinky unwashed, ass. Its really that great, honest! I am in the process of looking for another job but nothing has caught my eye yet. I am so fed up I would even turn to non related pharmacy work ... Though why can't you get paid for sitting on your buttocks????
I am visiting my folks soon. I currently reside in Croydon, South London, but am originally from the North of England in a wee place called the Lake District (which is full of Lakes .. OBVIOUSLY). So yus, on June 4th I venture out on my own and go home to visit my crazy relatives and friends. I can't wait!! :D. Travelling with Virgin trains ... One thing I am not too enamoured with is the train crash that happened in the Lake District 3 months a go. Virgin train, one stop before home .. Eek. I am worried, especially after the car crash. Im sure it'll be fine though, right? Though I can't complain much as I am travelling 1st class ;).
My poor Sidekick 3 has died. I somehow managed to break the screen. I am sooo devastated!! Ive only had the phone for 5 months :|. I really would like a blackberry 8800. Anyone fancy buying me one? God that phone is sexy ..
Pics of my Goddaughter, Ellie. She is the reason I want to have a million babies. Damn that cuteness! (P.s; The dog is called Eric ...)
Living in a house full of 'unstables' really doesn't help keep a sane attitude. I found my oldest kitty snoozing in a cupboard full of plastic bags, which she had been shut in for 4 hours. My youngest kitty keeps raiding my bin for the foulest, rotten morsels she can possibly find, dragging them all over the flat leaving a trail of ungodly 'kittyifyoucarryonimaymicrowaveyourass' smells behind her. And Jamie? well Jamie is just .. Jamie. I don't think I need to go there, seriously.
So yeah, I think this environment is keeping me sane. Anything in the ordinary just wouldn't be home.
'Ohhh you have a website? Really. How interesting..'
This is a typical response from people I know that I tell I have a website. From that one line I get ..
1) You dont have a life. Loser.
2) Shut up, shut up, shut up.
3) LOSER.
Sometimes I wonder what life would be like without the internet. I once went 1 week without. Once. I almost socially went out to interact with people, but the pull of 1 week net-less made me put my friends on hold. How I love my friends (and after reading this, how they love me ..). I do 'design' (I use that word LOOSELY. Like great big Grandma knickers. Yes, THAT loose) websites. Though if you asked me what XHTML was i'd most probably slap you. Ask a normal woman of my age what that is and expect 'MNOP'.
Blog. Where the hell did the 'B' come from? - I'd love to fanny slap the man that invented the internet and give him a great big wedgie.
